DEAR AMY: I’m so upset. I’ve been married to my wife for seven years. I have loved our life and thought we were both fulfilled and happy.
Lately she’s been a little distant, but I assumed that work or family issues with her big extended family were stressing her out.
Last night she dropped a bombshell. She asked me how I would feel about “opening up our marriage.”
I’ve heard about open marriages, of course, but what does this even mean?
I was too shocked to say much, and she asked me to “think about it.”
After a sleepless night I wonder how I’m supposed to think about anything else.
How am I supposed to respond?
– Devastated Husband
DEAR HUSBAND: The trend toward describing some marriages as “open” is supposed to imply that both parties are consenting to having other sexual relationships outside the marriage.
When one party asks to open the marriage, they are seeking consent to stray.
Your wife is not granting you freedom or latitude; she wants to take it, and she is giving you a heads up that she has met someone.
She has asked you how you feel, and so you should tell her exactly how you are feeling: confused, upset, concerned and possibly angry. Lay it all out there.
I hope you two can have a completely honest talk about your mutual concerns and desires.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
