DEAR ABBY: I have been going out with a man who is nine years younger than I am. He’s a musician who plays bass guitar in several bands. I am retired. I love going out dancing with him and being social with other friends. I met him at a social club a year and a half ago. He works during the week at a fast-food place. Some weekends, he goes away on gigs with the band. He’s been married four times. (I have been married only once.)
My problem is, he never has any money. He is always struggling to pay his bills. I have invested in this relationship with concert tickets, hotels, etc. He pays only occasionally. I haven’t even received a birthday or Christmas gift from him. I, of course, gave him both.
I think he’s cheap. I feel sorry for him that he’s a grown man and doesn’t have his own place. I have taken breaks from him a couple of times because I know he’s not going to change, and I need to move on. Please advise. -- ALWAYS HOPING FOR MORE
DEAR ALWAYS HOPING: The question you must answer for yourself is how much “entertainment tax” you are willing to pay for the pleasure of this wandering minstrel’s company. You foot the bills for his and your entertainment because it is part of your “unwritten contract,” and he expects it.
This four-times-married man has chosen a career he loves but that notoriously doesn’t pay well. You know who he is. Have you spoken to him about your feelings on this? If you haven’t, do it now. And if this arrangement no longer suits you, move on.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
