DEAR ABBY: I have been independent from my family for 25 years. I have always lived a few hours’ drive from them. (I now live an hour away from my mother and three hours from my sister and her family.) For every occasion over those 25 years, I have always visited them -- spending time, money on gas, putting thousands of miles on my car and sometimes taking time off from work. Never has anyone visited me, other than once when my sister was passing through and wanted to have lunch.
I have invited my family countless times, but there’s always an excuse. Often, it’s that my place is too small to accommodate them or that I have a roommate. I’m expected to spend my resources visiting them or go broke to have a place that can accommodate them. I am reminded of this lopsided situation every time my roommate’s family visits multiple times per year. They stay in hotels.
I’m not confrontational. I love my family, but I feel some boundaries need to be established. Am I unreasonable? If not, do you have any suggestions? -- ALL ON ME IN FLORIDA
DEAR ALL: If it is not practical to continue traveling to visit your relatives, stop doing it. Do not stop inviting them to visit you, however, and when you do, tell them you know they would be more comfortable staying in a nearby hotel or motel, which is what your roommate’s family has been doing for years.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
