DEAR ABBY: My sister “Sandy” divorced her husband 15 years ago. Her oldest son, “Nick,” has never gotten over it. He’s 30 now and has treated her badly over the years. He not only vandalized her home but has also said horrible things to her. She maintained a relationship with him despite his behavior, supporting him emotionally and sometimes financially.
Sandy has been engaged to her long-term boyfriend for three years, but Nick is hostile toward him. He calls him names, denigrates his faith and refuses to accept him as part of the family. Her fiancé has grown tired of this treatment, and I’m afraid it may cause their breakup.
My sister doesn’t want to lose her son over this, and everyone in our family, including her other children, loves Nick. What can she do? -- SEES DYSFUNCTION IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SEES: What your sister should do depends upon what’s more important to her. If losing her fiancé to maintain a relationship with her disrespectful and unloving son is paramount, she should end their romantic relationship. Of course, it won’t change her son’s deplorable behavior, and she will have to accept that. OR she can decide to go on with her life and possibly marry her gentleman friend. The rest of the family can continue to love Nick as much as they wish, and everyone will be happier.
P.S. I can’t help but wonder why this letter came from you and not from your sister. The most unwelcome advice is that which is unsolicited.
***
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
