DEAR ABBY: I met a co-worker about a year ago and we started dating. He had been clean and sober from alcohol for more than 10 years. We got along very well, but he is drinking again, and his behavior has changed -- there are mood swings, bouts of jealousy and finger-pointing.
When he drinks, it’s unpleasant, and the smell seeping from his pores is nauseating. He finds almost any reason to have a drink. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he does nothing wrong and he drinks because he wants to, or some other reason that makes no sense. I’m tired of the excuses. Then he begs for forgiveness or accuses me of not wanting him around.
I have told him he needs to work on himself and get back into the program, and he says all he can do is take one day at a time. He drinks and drives, which poses a danger to himself and others. He’s jealous of my ex and my grown children. He plays the victim, and his answers to questions are, “I don’t remember,” “I didn’t do anything,” or “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I’m at my wits’ end and can’t take any more. Please help. -- TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
DEAR TOXIC: Draw the line. Remind your co-worker that when you started dating him, he was on the wagon. Tell him that when he drinks his personality changes, and you do not like the person he becomes. You need to educate yourself about alcoholism, and an effective way to do that would be to join Al-Anon and attend some meetings.
If you really “can’t take any more,” stop dating him! And, if it creates problems where you work, inform your boss or supervisor. I’m sure that because of the potential liability, your employer won’t be thrilled about having a drunk for an employee.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
