Brother’s New Girlfriend Gets off on the Wrong Foot
DEAR ANNIE: My recently divorced brother has a new girlfriend. He has been divorced for three months. She has introduced him to all of her friends and family. She was married 20 years and went through a bitter divorce and had several bad dating experiences from dating sites. She seems to be elated to find a nice guy like my brother. She seems to think he’s too good to be true and even did a background check on him.
Now, she wants to meet my mom and me. Unfortunately, I am apprehensive and reluctant to meet her. My brother called me while I was driving, so my mom mostly talked to her. I talked for maybe five minutes to her. He told me later that he asked what she thought of us. Her reply was, “Your mom is a hoot, and your sister has a lot of opinions.”
I feel a little hurt at this revelation. It seems to suggest that I’m opinionated or that she didn’t like my opinions. It didn’t sound positive. I asked my mom and brother if I said anything rude. Mom said no. My brother didn’t see anything negative about his girlfriend’s comment. I inquired again a couple weeks later, and he no longer remembers the incident. I haven’t said anything negative about his girlfriend, so I don’t understand her remark.
Considering I’ve talked to her directly once and have never met her, I’m concerned she is possibly judgmental and negative. Should I meet her? If so, would it be disrespectful if I suggest to meet her for only a day? I don’t want to spend several days with a rude person biting my tongue, but I don’t want to be disrespectful to my brother since we have always been close. -- Slighted Sister
DEAR SLIGHTED SISTER: It’s understandable to feel apprehensive about meeting someone new, especially when their initial comments about you weren’t entirely positive. But meeting her could be an opportunity to form your own opinion rather than relying on a brief, possibly offhand comment. It’s also important to maintain your close relationship with your brother, and showing willingness to meet his new partner can be a way of supporting him.
Considering your reservations, suggesting a shorter meeting, like a lunch or coffee, is a reasonable approach. It gives you a chance to meet her without the commitment of an extended visit, and it’s perfectly respectful.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
