DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 20 years. My husband, “Grant,” and I were separated for a while. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I ended up moving back in with him a year ago. We agreed to try to make things work. I have been in counseling, and we tried joint counseling a couple of times before separating.
There was an issue I needed to bring up with Grant. When I did, I used the, “I feel ... when ...” and practiced it with my psychologist. The response I got from my husband was, “I’m not responsible for your feelings.” Well, it sure felt like a conversation killer.
I am not sure where to go from here. Anything I might say, he disagrees with. I can’t have a conversation with anyone within Grant’s earshot, because he will inevitably disagree with whatever he hears me say, and huff and puff about it. The time that follows is definitely awkward. Please, I don’t know how to fix this. What do I do from here? -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN CANADA
DEAR LOST: Your next step should be to understand that your husband is a verbal and emotional abuser who isn’t interested in repairing your marriage. He doesn’t WANT to hear what you have to say, and he enjoys belittling you in front of others. For the sake of your mental health, what you should do from here is make a plan to leave him, and then follow through. I am sure your therapist would agree.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
