DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to a new city. I have made friends here, and we have great neighbors. I have become close with several of the women, but my husband has not made any buddies. When I try to create opportunities for him to get closer to the guys, he reacts by saying, “How dare you!” or “What makes you think I need help?”
When I want some girl time with my friends, he gets mad and accuses me of not wanting him around and excluding him from my life. I can’t seem to make him understand that women need girl time for our own mental health, and it is not about him. Help, please! -- SAD AND TRAPPED
DEAR SAD: Most women need women friends, so please don’t isolate yourself in an attempt to placate your husband. If he thinks that by hanging around with you and your women friends he is filling what’s missing in his social life, he needs a wake-up call. Whether you want him around during those visits or not, the feelings of the other women should be considered.
Did your husband have male friends in your former town? I suspect not, which may be why he continues to be so dependent on you now. Unless he is willing to make the effort, you can’t fix his social problems. Encouraging him to develop hobbies and interests of his own may help, and volunteering in your new community might introduce him to other men he can bond with. Please suggest it.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
