DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We’ve had arguments about bedtime etiquette since the honeymoon phase wore off. There’s one bed in his three-bedroom house. I like to sleep in silence in darkness -- I’ve always thought this was the ideal setting for quality sleep. My boyfriend, on the other hand, likes to sit up in bed with a dim light on while scrolling and playing videos on his phone while I’m next to him!
The first time I asked if maybe he could do that before coming to bed, he lost it and kicked me out of the bedroom. Since then, I have at least gotten him to turn off the lights, but he still watches videos and refuses to wear a headset or earbuds. He stays up much later than I do, so I can’t fall asleep until he’s ready.
He says I am “overly sensitive” and gets upset when I go to sleep on the couch. We’ve had nasty fights about this, and I don’t understand how I’m unreasonable when I just want to sleep. I think he’s selfish. Who’s being unreasonable, and how can I manage to get quality sleep with a partner like this? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN THE EAST
DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: You are not unreasonable. Your boyfriend is controlling and inconsiderate. You MUST take care of yourself. Sleep deprivation can not only make a person a dangerous driver and less efficient at work, but it can also make a person sick.
If you are not living with this person full time, for the sake of your health, consider sleeping at your place on weeknights. If you are living in his home, consider moving. If your boyfriend is this unreasonable in other areas, “consider reconsidering” the relationship.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
