DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to the wedding of a colleague’s child. Every piece of correspondence noted, “This is a black-tie affair. Please dress accordingly.”
My husband finally borrowed a tuxedo from a friend, but not without multitudinous complaints about how pretentious it was and how uncomfortable he was in the tuxedo that I was “making him wear.” (Honestly, he is in his 60s; he’s not 9 years old.)
We arrived at the wedding to find that not even the father of the bride was in black tie. He had a beautiful suit, but it was not a tuxedo. The groom and his best man wore regular black suits with long black ties and white shirts (not tuxedo shirts).
Everyone else of the male persuasion at the wedding was in either sport jackets with khaki slacks or in suits -- not black tie, at least not the way I would have defined it. The women were in formal gowns, so at least half of us listened.
Now I need to ask: What, exactly, does “black tie” mean these days, if not a tuxedo? My husband is STILL complaining about this. Sigh.
GENTLE READER: Double sigh. Couples should not use terms they do not understand -- and don’t follow themselves -- with people who do not understand them, either, and will not follow them.
As to your husband, Miss Manners hopes that telling him how dashing he looked will flatter the child in him.
***
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
