Nothing’s more annoying than speaking to someone who struggles to maintain eye contact. Not only does it seem rude, but makes us wonder if they are truly interested in us or the conversation we’re having.
TikTok is full of contradicting opinions about people’s inability to look in the eyes while speaking. On a romantic date or in a workplace meeting, lack of eye contact is seen as disrespectful and disinterest in the other party. But a clinical psychologist thinks there’s more to it than meets the eye.
Why TikTok users think people avoid making eye contact
It’s a common belief among TikTok users that people don’t look you in the eye because they aren’t interested in you. Some have reached this conclusion after experiencing it on a date, and others in the bedroom. Oops!
However, a few others say they would avoid making eye contact deliberately to evade a certain situation they aren’t comfortable in. When you choose to look away during a conversation, it’s only natural for the other person to assume they aren’t interesting enough to keep your attention retained.
But dating coaches have a different opinion about the much-debated topic. Love expert Sara Tick says in her TikTok video that women usually shy away from making eye contact when they are interested in the dater. This should rather be taken as a sign that they like you.
This is common among women because they “don’t want to seem eager.” The same may apply to men as well. This could be an indicator that they are playing hard to get and doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t interested in going forward with the date.
Psychologist explains deeper issues associated with it
Whereas, some people always avoid eye contact and it has nothing to do with you. Clinical psychologist and dating expert. Dr. Betsy Chung, tells The Focus that “not all people routinely maintain eye contact during conversations, and for some, eye contact is dependent on the circumstances they’re faced with.”
Those who “consistently maintain eye contact during conversations with others tend to be confident and personable,” the psychologist says. She further explains that people who are confident make direct eye contact because “they’re comfortable being seen by others and aren’t self-conscious about their flaws.”
“People who are personable use eye contact as a means to demonstrate to the person they’re speaking to that they’re important and have your full attention at the moment they’re being spoken to,” Dr. Betsy tells The Focus.
But, speaking of people who always look away while talking, it’s important to understand that they may have deeper and personal issues. Dr. Betsy explains why some people avoid eye contact using these reasons.
- They experienced some level of trauma that’s caused them to feel unsafe when attention is on them. For example, those who have experienced sexual trauma may avoid eye contact out of fear of receiving unwanted attention, or fear of giving off the wrong signals to others.
- They were frequently criticized during childhood, so they project their own insecurities onto others. They believe that other people they’re speaking to will have the same harsh thoughts about them as they do about themselves.
- They fear rejection and fear that the person they’re interested in will not reciprocate attention.
- They’re being dishonest and fear being “found out”.
- They fear authority. They may have been raised in an environment where they needed to yield to authority, and making eye contact with authority would have suggested confrontation or challenge.
- They’re afraid their true feelings will be discovered. For example, somebody nervous in a job interview may avoid eye contact with the interviewer out of fear the interviewer would sense their nervousness.
Dr. Betsy Chung is a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at RAW dating app. She earned her doctoral degree in clinical psychology from Alliant University in 2010, and became licensed as a clinical psychologist in the state of California in 2013.
