DEAR AMY: My wonderful husband died unexpectedly seven years ago.
I’m now 49, and still have no desire to meet anyone or go on dates.
My husband was my everything and, while I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, the prospect of dealing with dating and all the hassle that goes along with it makes me wonder if solitude is really that bad.
I did try some online dating a few years ago and I wasn’t ready.
What if I’m never ready?
I know women widowed for just a year or two who are already remarried.
What am I doing wrong?
– Widowed
DEAR WIDOWED: One way to prepare for a life-change is to find ways to escape from your own head-space. Changing your perspective will change your life.
First of all, solitude is not a bad thing. Far from it! And you may not have a partner at home, but do you have friends? Do you have family or platonic relationships that feel positive and intimate? Do you believe you are growing – intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally? Do you do good work?
If so, then realizing this might allow you to relax into your reality and to stop seeing your life as flawed or somehow incomplete.
I view online matching as an opportunity to polish a person’s communication skills – even if there is no love match on the horizon.
If you see meeting new men as a way to revive and practice your social skills (versus finding a new partner), you can walk away from even the worst date with a sense that you’ve learned something.
I was single for 17 years between marriages and dated only sporadically during that time. Deep and rewarding friendships kept this from seeming like an in-between state, but like a life being lived.
I hope the same for you.
***
DEAR READERS: Hundreds of readers have contacted me to express their appreciation for my work over the last 21 years, and to offer congratulations on my retirement.
I’m very grateful!
I don’t think of this as “retirement,” however. I have made a choice to continue my work elsewhere, and am showing myself the door. Readers can easily find me at Amydickinson.com and through my weekly newsletter.
The next columnist to walk through the door is R. Eric Thomas, writing a column called “Asking Eric.”
Eric is young, smart, and a talented advice-giver.
You can help Eric get started by sending your questions to eric@askingeric.com.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
