DEAR ERIC: Ugh, I’m getting divorced. Should I buy my new house close to work, eliminate my commute and have a bigger, nicer house, or should I buy another house in my neighborhood where I’m comfortable and have friends, community, babysitters, and city life and culture around? Current commute is about 30 minutes each way.
– Uprooted and Commuted
DEAR UPROOT: Being closer to friends is better than being closer to work. As you’re figuring out what comes next, the benefit of more space and no commute won’t be as great as of deepening your existing relationships in your community and making use of the support system you’ve already established.
You’re going through a period of such huge upheaval; finding a new babysitter for a night when you really need to unwind sounds like a bridge too far. You’ve got roots where you are and while your divorce is going to change the nature of some of those roots, and even cut some off, there’s a beautiful possibility that many of those roots will only get more secure. I encourage you to give yourself that possibility. This bigger, nicer house could be lovely, but I’ll take a more modest abode filled with people, laughter, and life any day.
By the by, my girl Goldilocks just swung by with a third suggestion. Is it possible to split the difference and find a bigger place that’s midway between work and where you live now?
There was a study published in the journal Transportation in 2001 that found that for most people, the ideal commute is 16 minutes (chosen even over having no commute at all). Your mileage may vary, quite literally, but maybe giving yourself some drive time back while not burdening friendships with distance is your best option.
Congratulations on starting this new journey in your life, even if it comes with some tough logistical and emotional twists and turns.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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