Limerence, also described as ‘love addiction’ by a psychologist, is one of the most painful emotions to experience, often confused with true love.
Limerents lose the sense of reality and fantasize about a love that doesn’t exist. One could suffer from this owing to childhood trauma and severe PTSD among other reasons. However, identifying the 13 signs of limerence can help you cope better.
What is limerence?
Limerence is obsessing with another person involuntarily. This often serves as a self-regulating mechanism in people with issues tracing their roots back to a neglected or abusive childhood.
The fantasies of perfect love and relationship are carried onto adulthood and people affected by limerence confuse the obsession with love as they can’t stop thinking about someone.
Usually, it is the limerent longing for someone while the latter doesn’t reciprocate similarly.
Certified psychologist Dr, Becky Spelma explains in her video on YouTube that people experiencing limerence thrive on the dopamine rush and moments of pleasure from fantasizing about someone.
The affected party is usually the least productive in their life or don’t enjoy it fully, so they resort to unrealistic thoughts that they find rewarding.
13 signs it’s ‘love addiction’ and not true love
Intense emotions
The emotions that come with limerence are really intense and you may interpret it as love.
This is seen among people who were neglected as children and had to “chase love”. Unlike real love that blossoms with time and is consistent, limerence is intense from the get-go.
Being preoccupied with thoughts
You may be experiencing limerence if you’re preoccupied with another person’s thoughts all the time, even when they don’t feel the same about you.
You aren’t living in the moment and feel nervous around the person you’re obsessing about.
There’s fluctuation
Dr. Becky Spelma says fluctuation is another sign of limerence. You will not feel as strongly about the same person should they reciprocate and enter a healthy relationship with you.
You will stop obsessing over them once they are emotionally available.
You place them on a pedestal
The limerent finds no fault in the object of their obsession, meaning, you will place the person on the pedestal while caught in the romantic fantasy.
You tend to overlook the red flags in the other person and there are chances of being attracted to problematic personalities who mirror similar flaws.
Emotional codependency with an unavailable person
You become overly dependent on their validation and your emotions are based on their reactions.
While healthy relationships are about enjoying independence, limerence is marked by codependency.
The relationship is single-sided
Either the relationship is single-sided, which means, you’re the only one to view it romantically or the person you’re obsessing over may display complex emotions towards you.
Even if they care about you, they may not want to be in a consistent relationship with you. In some instances, the limerent can get lost in romantic fantasies following a sporadic conversation with someone with no intention to take the relationship forward.
It’s disrupting your life
A healthy relationship will help you grow and feel good about yourself, whereas limerence doesn’t make you feel happy as you’re constantly caught up thinking about the other person.
You may spend most of the time trying to figure out what’s wrong and how you can make the relationship work.
Your mood depends on their reactions
Reciprocation dependency occurs when you let your mood be affected by the other person’s behavior.
You may feel insecure over little arguments and read into the situation a lot unlike in a healthy relationship.
Spending a lot of time fantasizing
This is one of the biggest signs of limerence – constantly fantasizing about them and a future with a person who isn’t reciprocating to your emotions.
You find yourself playing out scenarios in your head while there is no need to fantasize about true love.
Fear of rejection
Being bound by the fear of rejection subconsciously even if you aren’t willing to confront the person.
You’ll fail to pick on signs that the other person is not willing to invest in you as you’re caught up in fantasies and fear the idea of being rejected.
Delusional and social impact
Limerence makes you so delusional that people around you will start to notice your obsessive behavior and it will start to impact your social life.
If your close ones aren’t buying your idea of romance, take it as a sign of unhealthy obsession.
Physical symptoms
The body always has its way of telling you things and if you’re too anxious and insecure around the person you think you’re hopelessly in love with, it simply means you refuse to look at them as a fellow human.
These emotions are primarily caused by the image of the other person you’ve created in your head. You’re overly preoccupied with what they think about you.
You’ll experience jealousy and possessiveness
Even though the person you are obsessing over isn’t your partner, you would be jealous upon seeing them with others owing to the fantasies you’ve created for yourself.
Dr. Becky Spelman is famous for appearing on a number of television shows and radio programs to share her expertise as a mental health activist, in addition to her popular YouTube channel that discusses various aspects of human psychology.
She has a private therapy clinic based in London and is “dedicated to providing evidence-based psychological treatment.”
