DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy cooking and setting a nice table, and my spouse and I often invite several couples over for dinner. After the meal, I have come upon a problem: I don’t feel right clearing the table for able-bodied adults of equal status to me.
In the past, I joined in clearing family members’ dishes as a sign of respect for my in-laws or parents who were hosting, and I always scrape and rinse my own plate at friends’ houses. But I just don’t feel right taking the plates of our friends as they sit there with their posteriors glued to their chairs.
Something seems amiss if I am expected to be the server or cleaning crew. I’d just like everyone (or one member of every couple, whether male or female) to scrape their plates, briefly rinse them and stack them near the sink.
GENTLE READER: What is amiss, Miss Manners notices, is your definition of a host. You clear the table when you are the host. The reciprocity comes when your friends entertain you.
Volunteer help is a bonus, and not every host wants it.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
