DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if my daughter should have sent thank-you cards to my wife and myself when she graduated from college.
My wife said she should have, but I don’t feel the same way. Could you please let me know?
GENTLE READER: In the normal course of events, children take it for granted that their parents feed, clothe and educate them. In happy families, it sometimes strikes adult children how enormous an undertaking that is.
That may bring on a spontaneous burst of gratitude, beyond the usual affection that children who have felt loved and cared for will presumably have been expressing. This may be prompted by special occasions, such as parental birthdays; typically, however, the full realization of the time, energy, patience and money spent occurs when the children have children of their own.
Miss Manners would not have thought that college graduation would bring this on. Does your wife really want to focus on your shared contributions to your daughter’s education, however much you sacrificed, instead of on your daughter’s achievement? Isn’t this the time to tell her how proud of her you are -- not how indebted to you she is?
That may come later. Miss Manner hopes it will not be merely with a paltry card.
***
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
