Getting ‘ghosted’ is one of the most annoying parts of modern dating, and a relationship counsellor has revealed why people actually do it.
The word describes when someone you’re dating vanishes without any warning like a ghost. They just stop responding to your messages, and you have no idea why.
Why you’re being ‘ghosted’
Speaking to Diamonds Factory, relationship expert and counsellor Georgina Sturmer revealed that it’s not your fault. People ‘ghost’ for several reasons, and it’s always down to their feelings or emotions – not anything you did wrong.
The most common reason they aren’t texting you back is the “fear of conflict or confrontation,” she explained.
“When you realise that you are no longer interested in the other person, it takes a certain amount of confidence and courage to be honest.”
If someone is worried about letting the other person down or feeling anxious about speaking to them, ghosting might feel like an easier option. This is especially true when people have an ‘avoidant’ attachment style and don’t feel comfortable sharing their emotions.
Sometimes, this also stems from a fear of dating rejection, so they pull away before someone else has the chance to reject them.
Another reason why you might be getting ‘ghosted’ is because the other person has different dating priorities.
“Everyone on the dating scene has different intentions, and it might be the case that one realises that the other person is more serious than they are about a relationship,” Sturmer said.
This can cause them to back away or disappear rather than facing up to the reality, especially if things are progressing too quickly.
How to deal with it
Being ghosted is hard. You’re usually left confused and will start questioning your past actions and behavior, but the relationship counsellor has revealed three handy tips that will help you move on.
First, understand that you might not get an answer to your questions. Why did they ghost you? What happened? Did you do something wrong? You’ll probably never know.
To help you move on without getting any answers, the next thing to do is remove them from your lives immediately – which includes unfollowing on social media.
“If you’ve been ghosted, it’s likely that any memories or connections to the ’ghost’ might trigger further feelings of sadness, anger or anxiety,” she said. “So, it might be helpful to remove them from your social media feed or to delete your messaging history to allow you to move on with a clean slate.”
Ghosting can leave you feeling sad, anxious or even embarrassed, and it’s also important to get some support if you need it. Whether it’s chatting to a friend or speaking to a counsellor, lean on your support network to help “restore your confidence” and “maintain your self-esteem”.
This expertise was provided by women’s counsellor Georgina Sturmer, who is a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, in collaboration with jewelry brand Diamonds Factory.
